How Do We Learn Responsibility?

When I reflect back on my parents raising me, I just laugh. I feel sorry for them. The stories that they went in to work with each morning must have been comedy gold. My brothers and I always found, how shall we say it, unique ways of doing things. Simple things, complex things, it doesn't matter, we found a way to make it unique. Homework for example. As a teacher, I had the students look up the definition. We painted it on the wall. The words were simple, "the part of the lesson or lessons done at home." As a teacher that sounded great. Sure my students should do that. As a student, homework was the incomplete half-scribbled on piece of paper crumpled in my backpack or back pocket scrawled together in a version of ancient Sanskrit that could only be interpreted by Monks in India. If it was turned in, it was late and incomplete. I knew I would still pass the test and still pass the class. In fact, the only time my homework improved was when my parents "informed" me that in order to drive the car and get car insurance, I needed to have a 3.0 average. From that point forward, until grad school, I did exactly enough work in class so that with the tests I would earn my 3.0 average. After all, I needed to drive.

My bride was the opposite way. She was the work hard student. She struggled, she strived, she pushed herself to learn, and she succeeded. The test was going to stress her, even though she knew it, so the work mattered to her. It eased the pain of the "exam." She learned to complete all of her stuff so that when the assessment came the results might be less painful. Her tension of the moment was eased by all the work she had put in before hand. A Bachelors, 2 Masters degrees, and an ELL certificate later, she proved that hard work could make her a success. She learned daily responsibility because she needed it to survive.

On Thursday night I had the opportunity to talk with many students parents. One family expressed concern about their talented child not doing work and how they would learn responsibility. I thought about that for a bit as I was a child like that and have a child like that at home. The more I think about it, the more I realize, responsibility isn't something we teach but rather something that rises out of need and desire. Simply assigning work and assigning homework doesn't teach children to become responsible. It doesn't translate into adults meeting deadlines. We often say it does, but the reality is that it doesn't.

Frequently in schools, we are surrounded by multitudes of instructional leaders that want tasks completed in a timely fashion. We expect it from the children. We expect it from the adults. The reality is that the adults are often the worst at completing assignments in a timely fashion. When I set a deadline, I put it several days before I need it. This allows me for the 10% of adults that are just like me as a child who aren't going to complete the assignment because it isn't relevant. When the task is something that they are interested in, they complete it. When the task is disconnected to their world, it gets done when it gets done. This doesn't make them bad people. This doesn't make them wrong. It simply shows that responsibility is linked to our needs and our desires. The higher the need and the higher the desire, the quicker and better the task is completed.

The completion of homework and class assignments has little if any relationship to teaching children responsibility. Those who complete these as children are just as likely or unlikely to turn their taxes in and complete work assignments on time in the future. If we want a task completed it needs to be important and meaningful to the one doing the task. So lets not stress about the completion rate and focus on cultivating meaningful ownership in the work.

Office Space - TPS Reports

Clueless - Acceptance Speech