A child sits in the back of the car and looks out the window. Abruptly the child shouts out, what's that? With little awareness the child has of other conversations occurring around him, the child's curiosity has been engaged and simply wants to know what he is seeing. Of course, we answer. We think to ourselves all questions are good questions.
The child grows older and slowly becomes a preteen. The questions still come. Dad, why do I have to do this? When are we going to get this? Why are you doing that? The questions change. The curiosity is still in place but internal motivation has arrived. The child wants to do something or not do something. The question in a relative simplistic fashion provides insight into the child's intentions and interests.
As the child enters their teenage and early adult years, the technique becomes more sophisticated. Can I borrow the car keys? Can you complete the FAFSA for me? What would you do if a friend said this? The teenager/early adult learns to mask their interest by hiding it in situations others are experiencing or by simplifying the question to mask intent. The individual knows what they want, but searches for ways not to give their position.
As adults the questions continue to become more sophisticated. Each question asked in front of an audience in a certain way to provide insight and to produce a certain effect. Why do we have to administer this PARCC assessment? How are parents going to perceive this? What if we tried this, would this be ok? Sometimes adults ask questions for clarification, would it be ok if we completed the form this way? As other times we ask questions to establish a position, how will a third grader be able to sit for that length of time? At times adults ask to move a process forward, what if we tried this instead? Adults can also ask questions to impede a process or procedure, but what if this happens or but what about this? Recognizing the insight and effect of a line of questioning is important and powerful leaders, participants, coaches, and audience members. Sometimes questions adult questions are valuable and sometimes they are individuals ways of creating roadblocks. When working with adults it is ok at times not to answer every question. For some questions, there are no answers. For some questions, the answer is that they will not get their preferred outcome. The difference between "what if this happens?" and "if this happens, could we try this?" is enormous. One participant is invested in you solving the problem and one person is invested in solving the problem with you. We are all in a better place when we are solving the problem together.
When you are on a high school sports team, your grades are always part of the team conversation. Under the guise of "academic eligibility" coaches and peers lean into each other in order to ensure that everyone is on the right track. There are also recognitions for athletes who are also superior students. While, personally I wasn't too invested, seeing as my academic goals were to insure that I got the discount for my car insurance, others started to notice that one of the highest grade point averages on the team was from a guy who took below level academics. We were a large high school and he said, "hey, grade point counts, and a college is going to see biology and physics on the transcript. As long as I have a decent ACT and those words are there, I'm set." The reality was he was right. He didn't work hard, got his 4.0, and went to the college of his choice. He was rewarded while still taking in our eyes the easy route.
As we are moving to differentiated growth-based learning, a parent converses with one of our second grade teachers about why his/her child is getting so many more wrong on assignments. The teacher shares with the parent, that the child is no longer doing "second grade work" but actually skills from the "fourth grade level." As such, instead of the child knowing the concepts before the lesson began, the child is learning in class, growing, making mistakes, and working over the mountain to understand.
The reality is we are changing from age-based learning environments to growth-based learning environments. In an age-based learning environment we can rank the children as they enter the system, and pretty closely identify their rank for when they leave the system. Moreover, we could probably rank them by mother's level of education and socio-economic status and pretty closely identify their rank for when they leave the system. In a growth-based learning environment, we take off the ceiling. Even the high children have places to go. Everyone has a chance to move forward, everyone has challenges, and everyone has to find it within themselves to succeed. Growth at the individual level meritocracy. It is also a roller coaster.
In order to report growth, we also need to take the ceiling off of our system. We need to show how far any child can achieve and what the next steps can be for any child. Grade level standards are not enough. So many of our children are well above and well below "grade level" that it isn't meaningful to compare. Yes we can pay for grades. We can pay for grade level standards. Are we ready to pay for children to appropriately struggle and achieve? The following picture of six children receiving the same grade has been floating around the internet:
The question is which child learned? Is it the fourth child who struggled on units 1 and 2 and achieved on units 3-5? Is a grade of C appropriate for that child? Is it the sixth child that missed almost nothing but received a zero on Unit 5? Is a grade of C appropriate for that child? How about child two who decreased evenly on every unit? The reality is that these grades tell us nothing. If we reward grades what exactly are we rewarding? We, parents, students, and educators need to learn to reward learning. We may think that we understand what grades mean, but do we? We may worry that children don't know what it means and can't find rewards without grades. However, just like in video games and sports, students are able to handle challenges, work hard, and find meaning when they "level up!" Can we level up our system to support their learning?
Each June, we take the hundred mile drive to Oconomowoc, Wisconsin to drop our son off at summer camp. It's a family tradition. A sacred trust. An experience that he is now participating in for the fourth time. One his parents, aunt, uncles, and his great uncle participated in. It is perhaps one of the few opportunities that has truly gone "l'dor va dor" from generation to generation. As we drop off this young man, we will see energetic young staff members: Seventeen, eighteen, and nineteen years old. They will put their arms around his shoulders. They will smile with him. They will work to get him involved in the opening day activity. We will take a picture, walk away anxiously to the medical center to drop off his medicines and then we will turn and see Paula. There she will be walking from the medical center or towards the office the same as she had been 20 years ago to take care of us as staff, perhaps 30 years ago as kids. And it will be alright.
See, the seventeen, eighteen, and nineteen year old counselors, they are great. Many of them were our former students. A generation ago, we were them. They truly are the best of the best. They are energetic. They are caring. They are well meaning. They will invest they lives into make my child's experience great. However, they haven't lived through it. I know, I was one of them. My friends were them. My wife was them. We were selected for our energy, our compassion, our skills, and our character. We charted great opportunities for kids. We made a difference in lives. But there were times when we would work with a child and say, if they only did this, or if that parent only did that.
One of the best jobs in the world is being a grandparent. You have lived through the daily grind of raising children, you have gone up the mountain, come down the other side to see the valley. You have experienced successes of raising children and the mind numbing nights of why doesn't that young man or woman get it. You have looked across the aisle and handed them in partnership off to another and now you are given this blessing to see come forward. In this blessing you see the greatness of your off spring as well as your off spring struggle with some of the same battles you went through. Challenges without answers. Situations that blew your mind a generation ago and now, with time, perspective, and having lived the journey you recognize it is simply part of the journey.
There is a sacred trust you have as a teacher, counselor, camp director, principal, administrator, priest, rabbi, or superintendent. A trust to care, raise, and support the next generation. A daily compact in which a parent hands to you their baby and asks, "please care for my child as if they were your own." A compact as well meaning as we are, we don't understand until we have rugrats of our own running through our legs at a public forum. A compact we don't understand until it's ten minutes past curfew and the door hasn't opened yet. We mean well, we care, we are passionate, but we don't get it until that moment.
I received a letter from a former parent of a school I worked at the other day. She had that child who wasn't easy to figure out. She had the child who "found trouble." When she found me, or perhaps we found each other, she found a willing ear who didn't think there was an easy answer. We shared stories of challenge and embarrassment. Stories of my childhood, stories raising my children, stories of her siblings, and her child. We brainstormed possibilities and opportunities. It was not a moment of advice, not a moment of giving answers, but rather a series dialogues for exploration. She and her husband searched, explored, and tried answers. Some failed. Some succeeded. Now several years later, her child is being recognized as being a model citizen. A tribute to him and to them. A difficult journey but an important and powerful one.
See that's the thing we don't get as teachers, parents, administrators, and clergy. Until we are there. Until we are in those moments with our kids it's hard to understand the nuanced facets of what that child could need and that the answers are not as simple as we believe. At that moment, we understand that each of us is truly trying the best we can and sometimes it works. Yep, best job in the world is being a grandparent. You've played your hand, rode the roller coaster, and come out successfully on the other side. Thank you to all my teachers, principals, and counselors who struggled through the journey with me. Thank you to my parents and in-laws who now get to laugh as we figure things out. Thank you to Paula, Jerry, and Susan who will care for my child and and hundreds of other campers as they help a new generation of energetic well meaning counselors learn the sacred trust of raising other people's children.
