Looking in the Mirror - Actualizing the Growth Mindset

Growing up, the mirror was something I never bothered to spend much time with. Sure it was in front of me when I brushed my teeth or washed my hands. Occasionally, at special times I did my hair, but lets face it that was pretty rarely. As I grew older, the mirror was this foggy object I stared at simply to make sure I didn't slice my face up as I tried to shave the six hairs on my face. As a kid, mirrors were that thing other people needed. I don't think I understood the power of a mirror until I was engaged or married. See in the mirror, my wonderful bride would find things I could never see. She could find the tiniest start of a possible scar that I, who had spent hundreds of hours staring into her gorgeous face, had never seen. She could see any little bump in her hair. She could notice any fluctuation in her weight. And she could make judgements on each of these. Like all of us, infatuated with the one we love, while I see amazing beauty, she can provide a deposition of things out of kilter after standing before the mirror.

In the book, Good to Great, Jim Collins identifies that one of the essential components of moving towards greatness is the Stockdale Paradox. This is based on the life and philosophy of Admiral Jim Stockdale, a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War.

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end – which you can never afford to lose – with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” - Admiral Jim Stockdale

Collins' interpretation of the Stockdale Paradox for individuals and organizations is that we must "confront the brutal truth of the situation, yet at the same time, never give up hope." We need to look into the mirror, and truly see who we are and where we are now so that we can identify not only where we want to go but the next step in the journey.

Good to great is based on a growth mindset. It looks at not how one currently ranks, but what potential we have to become the best in the world and how do we move forward in the journey. So the question arises, when we look in the mirror, what do we see, and what do we expect to see. Do we expect sunshine and rainbows or do we see the flaws, the chinks in the armor, the opportunities to make it better.

On the wall of the chapel at my temple, the words "Know Before Whom You Stand" is written. While the implication is that we stand before god, more readily we stand before ourselves gazing back deciding who we are and who we will become. We make choices and we make strides. We take actions and we act in faith that we will move forward. The mirror is a look into ourselves and into our souls. In the beginning we may believe we are judged by an employer, ranked by others, but the reality is that we are the ones who make judgement, we are the ones who decide who we are and what we can become, we are the ones who look at the standard and decide can we move closer to greatness today.

In my favorite book, Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card, the story ends with the tale of Ender's new journey as a traveler who goes and tells the stories of others after they have passed. Card describes the role as such, "a believer would arise beside the grave to be the Speaker for the Dead, and say what the dead would have said, but with full candor, hiding no faults and pretending no virtues... their life was worthwhile enough, despite their errors, that when they died a Speaker should tell the truth for them." And that's the thing. None of us are perfect. None of us are always gold stars. None of us should hold ourselves to such a standard. We need to leave the fixed-mindset world and enter the world of growth. Confront the brutal facts as we look in the mirror and recognize the next step forward in our journey closer to greatness. As Mahatma Ghandi said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." We need to be honest in who we are and recognize that there are steps that we can take to become even greater.

I know that I have made mistakes in my journey. I recognize the multiplicity of missteps that have happened. Friends I have wronged, things I have impulsively said or done, feelings I haven't considered. There are moments in this life, I wish I had back. Times at which I could have a do over. I also recognize the opportunities I have created for others, the steps and supports that in my words or deeds have helped them move forward toward greater things. My story is not unique but rather the story of all of us. We each need to look in the mirror and not be the deluded queen asking who is the fairest but see who we are and what we can become.

The amazing thing about my bride is that while she can be hypercritical of herself, her hair, and her outfit, after she gazes into the mirror, she makes a myriad of adjustments and comes out even more beautiful than I could ever imagine. I am not sure she sees all the beauty because she sees what she can do next. Very simply each day whether in front of mirror, raising our family, or working with others she is constantly on the journey good to great.

The Fairest of them All