Moments of Kindness

It was a few months ago, I was in the Costco food court line and the individual in front of me said, "Do you want my drinks? We aren't going to use them." A simple gesture of kindness. Passing on to someone else something they may need and you don't. My oldest son looked at me afterwards and said, "that was nice." A moment in time. An individual doing something not in self-interest, not necessary, but taking a few seconds of that person's time to try to brighten another's day.

We are about to enter the winter shopping season. I've actually appreciated not seeing internet videos of freaked out Black Friday shoppers raging against the lines. I've enjoyed the Facebook posts of people sharing moments at the parade rather than great shopping finds they have discovered online. I've liked the pictures of those choosing to #optoutside on Black Friday and take hikes with their kids or fish in a lake. I am sure the angry shopper videos will come, the great deals will be shared, and the shopping adventures will occur. However, I think perhaps as a society we are discovering that taking the moments to spend the time with each other throughout the silly season and the year are of at least equal importance to the discoveries we make to show our appreciation of each other.

Being kind is something children learn from all of us. It may be an individual holding a door for a stranger, someone offering to take their empty shopping cart to the cart return, or paying for the next person's drink at the coffee drive-through line. Kindness is an activity we can teach anyone by simply doing it in our own life. We show our own kids this when we take time to listen to a clerk's story regarding their favorite Thanksgiving stuffing or giving up our place in line to someone with 4 young kids dying to get their McNuggets. Kindness is learned and can come from the most odd and unique places.

Kindness is based on an awareness of others. A willingness to give up just a little bit of yourself in terms of time, energy, attention, money, or items to make someone else's day a little brighter. We teach our children this by simply doing this within our lives while they are present. It's easy to do if we are doing it anyways. We teach other people's children it also by simply doing it in their presence. Easy enough if we are doing it anyways. Sooner than you know it, you'll see your children doing it to. So this summer I learned a new habit to. I pass on my soda cups at Costco when we aren't using them also. A big thanks to the mysterious stranger who taught me a simple act of kindness.

Kindness can come from the smallest places

Our Fears and Learning to Be Brave

In schools, we learn how to succeed. We learn to take little steps, complete things, identify the directions, create manageable goals, and work together to win. We talk about "Fail" as the "first attempt in learning." As a professional community, educators have learned to focus deeply on social-emotional learning. Yet in all of this, one aspect we rarely touch on in school is fear and the anxiety it produces.

Hollywood has focused on this forever. They have given us mortals who have confronted the supernatural such as Geena Davis in "The Fly." They have given us young Jedi preparing to confront great evils. Even monsters afraid of young children. While the big screen has capitalized on the theme of confronting one's fears, how much preparation and training have we done for our adults and our children.

In 1949, George Orwell wrote about a society which was always told to be afraid of the people and leaders of other societies. In the 60's, 70's, 80's we learned to fear the Evil Empire.  These were big untouchable fears. But real fears grew closer to home. Maybe it was being afraid of bees, poison ivy, dogs, failing, losing a job, or losing a loved one. Each individual has fears and how often have we as a society worked to give our children and our adults the tools.

As a parent, and a young adult, I have begun to realize how real fears are. Whether in working with new dads anticipating their first baby, adults who've lost loved ones, young men and women who have lost their first job, it dawns on me that these fears are real. The lack of control is real. The feeling of helplessness is real. How do we give each of us, adults and children, the skills and capacities to address these situations, challenges they feel they can't control, and provide the ability to move forward.

This need became obvious to me on Wednesday night. The unbelievable had happened. First, it was the Cubs in the World Series. Something I had never seen. Something my father, my aunt, and my uncle had never seen. There were moments that felt so Cub. Falling down 3 games to 1. Facing a former Cy Young winner in the final game. Giving up two runs on a wild pitch in the 5th. There we were, generations connected from Scottsdale to Scotland, Madison to Chicago to Ann Arbor, from the oldest grandparent to the youngest infant. Anticipating, fearing, dreading, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My dad couldn't watch until the final out. I listened in my bedroom to Pat and Ron on the call, as Aroldis Chapman gave up the home run to Rajai Davis, assuredly surrendering the lead. We didn't have the courage to watch. Too ingrained the annual fears of failure. The memories of generation failures upon us. My brother, my cousins, they were there like Cub fans across the world anxiously awaiting an outcome they couldn't control. 

I think of the learnings we can teach. I think of a kindergarten classroom in our district, where on the wall there is a simple phrase, "Be Brave." I think of how unusual it is that we address this and how powerful the tools are that are being taught in this room. A phrase and a focus that needs to spread. For if we raise children, not to not have fears, but rather how to be brave, then in those uncontrollable moments, we might not feel the collective anxiety and react rashly but rather with that bazillion dollar smile as Kris Bryant approached that final out, grabbing the ball and ending the burden of Cubs fandom.

We must learn how all of us can "be brave."

The Out