Our Fears and Learning to Be Brave

In schools, we learn how to succeed. We learn to take little steps, complete things, identify the directions, create manageable goals, and work together to win. We talk about "Fail" as the "first attempt in learning." As a professional community, educators have learned to focus deeply on social-emotional learning. Yet in all of this, one aspect we rarely touch on in school is fear and the anxiety it produces.

Hollywood has focused on this forever. They have given us mortals who have confronted the supernatural such as Geena Davis in "The Fly." They have given us young Jedi preparing to confront great evils. Even monsters afraid of young children. While the big screen has capitalized on the theme of confronting one's fears, how much preparation and training have we done for our adults and our children.

In 1949, George Orwell wrote about a society which was always told to be afraid of the people and leaders of other societies. In the 60's, 70's, 80's we learned to fear the Evil Empire.  These were big untouchable fears. But real fears grew closer to home. Maybe it was being afraid of bees, poison ivy, dogs, failing, losing a job, or losing a loved one. Each individual has fears and how often have we as a society worked to give our children and our adults the tools.

As a parent, and a young adult, I have begun to realize how real fears are. Whether in working with new dads anticipating their first baby, adults who've lost loved ones, young men and women who have lost their first job, it dawns on me that these fears are real. The lack of control is real. The feeling of helplessness is real. How do we give each of us, adults and children, the skills and capacities to address these situations, challenges they feel they can't control, and provide the ability to move forward.

This need became obvious to me on Wednesday night. The unbelievable had happened. First, it was the Cubs in the World Series. Something I had never seen. Something my father, my aunt, and my uncle had never seen. There were moments that felt so Cub. Falling down 3 games to 1. Facing a former Cy Young winner in the final game. Giving up two runs on a wild pitch in the 5th. There we were, generations connected from Scottsdale to Scotland, Madison to Chicago to Ann Arbor, from the oldest grandparent to the youngest infant. Anticipating, fearing, dreading, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My dad couldn't watch until the final out. I listened in my bedroom to Pat and Ron on the call, as Aroldis Chapman gave up the home run to Rajai Davis, assuredly surrendering the lead. We didn't have the courage to watch. Too ingrained the annual fears of failure. The memories of generation failures upon us. My brother, my cousins, they were there like Cub fans across the world anxiously awaiting an outcome they couldn't control. 

I think of the learnings we can teach. I think of a kindergarten classroom in our district, where on the wall there is a simple phrase, "Be Brave." I think of how unusual it is that we address this and how powerful the tools are that are being taught in this room. A phrase and a focus that needs to spread. For if we raise children, not to not have fears, but rather how to be brave, then in those uncontrollable moments, we might not feel the collective anxiety and react rashly but rather with that bazillion dollar smile as Kris Bryant approached that final out, grabbing the ball and ending the burden of Cubs fandom.

We must learn how all of us can "be brave."

The Out