Monday, October 12, 2015

Frustration and Resilience

Warning... I am not a golfer. I have never been a golfer. I have been on a course three times in my life and then only once actually taken a couple of shots (BAD!). The closest thing to golf that I get is to watch Caddyshack and Happy Gilmore.

This weekend I had the opportunity to "caddy" for my brother-in-law as he played in a Golf-Amateur
tournament this weekend. My brother-in-law is a former high school and collegiate golfer. Aside from being a talented individual in life, he enjoys time with his brothers and friends on the course. He took this opportunity to select a course near Chicago so I could join him on his adventure. An opportunity I am grateful for as it was an incredibly relaxing experience for me. I didn't touch email, work, the blog, twitter, or anything. I sat on the shores of Lake Michigan and watched sheep graze and grown men get upset as they swung a stick around in the wind.

Perhaps I should provide my unique interpretation of the word "caddy" as it applies to me. To caddy: to drive the cart that holds clubs up and down the cart path with some strange guy from the foursome while my brother-in-law walks the course to keep his rhythm while occasionally handing him a club, a range finder, or his putter. Pretty much I got sun, enjoyed the countryside, and watched 3 out of 4 grown men have a meltdown as they did five and half hours of forestry with a poorly formed scythe. Now to be fair, there were high winds and the course had lots of rolls and hills. The experience for the participants was frustrating.

While the first hole went fine for most, it was a downhill decent from there. By hole 9 we were watching internal combustion. Some were falling in the forests. Some were muttering under their breaths. Some were hyper analyzing their game. By hole 12 it sounded like a Tourette's convention. Grown men who were well established in their perspective fields sounded like 14 year-olds upset with their homework. By hole 18 they were at peace, opportunities lost and found again. The day near-ending a performance in the books, more over than anything else. Five and half hours of frustration. A gentleman's game? A lesson in frustration and resilience.

On Sunday, I had the opportunity to facilitate our annual Ellis Island simulation with our fifth grade students. We had about 60 of our 120 students due to the Columbus Day weekend. This provided a challenge for us as the nearly 2 hour simulation relies on having long lines and getting children to experience the arbitrariness and frustration of the immigrant experience. We warn the children for two weeks before hand that this is a frustrating experience and annually children break down into tears.

This year was no different. It doesn't take screaming or shouting. It doesn't take stealing of paperwork. Simply telling children to go back in line. Telling them their paperwork is wrong. Stating that they need to make corrections. Arbitrarily moving them from place to place. The tears well, anger raises, and the flood gates open.

When analyzing this experience we share the story of a recent immigrant who is a parent in our Sunday School. She talked about even today needing to go back on a daily basis for another paper, another document, another line. She shared that it took months to complete the process. Two hours in lines and some of our children are in pieces each year. When processing our children made the connection that their parents, grandparents, or great grandparents took on challenges that they themselves may not of been able to handle in order to become citizens of this country.

The children also realized that this bureaucratic frustration is not limited to immigration. They themselves may need to do the same thing for they driver's license or to get service from Comcast. Furthermore, we need to give them challenges so they can learn to master their craft. Imagine if Thomas Edison had given up on try #6 or the Wright Brothers had thrown in the towel. Learning to master tough skills is not inherent to us, resiliency occurs as a result of experience. It is a great gift we hand a child to make them revise, re-craft, and learn to make their work better. A lesson that will help them on the golf course and in life.


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